So, today is the first day of the April Healthy Eating Challenge…and I have the stomach flu. I haven’t been able to eat anything since Friday, and am absolutely miserable. I’m sure I’ve already lost weight…so my totals will be different, but gosh I feel like garbage.
So, Friday I had some drama happen. Extended family is always a pain in the ass and my extended family is a peach. If any of you are reading this, I wish I could feel worse about what I’m saying, but it’s been a long time coming and it needs to be said. We got an invitation in the mail to a wedding. My younger brother got his own invitation for he and his girlfriend. I was included on my parents invite, without the option of a date. And it hit hard. I feel like I’m thought of as a child. So, because I’m single, I don’t get my own invite? What the hell? If you’re going to give someone a date, everyone in that family should be allowed to have a date. My brother gets treated more like an adult than I do. I don’t think it was done with malice; however, be considerate of everyone. So this really got me angry, and it pushed me over an edge. I can’t put on that brave face around them anymore. Whenever I do anything, it never is enough. I’m screwed if I do, or if I don’t. Whatever decision I make, there always needs to be a why. Sometimes there isn’t a why, or there isn’t anything deeper as to why. I can make a decision without telling every thought that went into making that decision. I can’t keep trying to answer questions without wanting to scream because I’m not being heard.
This line of thinking has just made me start really thinking about who I surround myself with. Someone I considered my best friend, my sister, doesn’t call anymore. I don’t understand what changed. So. I’ve decided that I’m no longer putting myself out there. I can only do so much with the limited amount of energy I have. I’ve been pushed to a point where I can’t do it to myself anymore.
All of this stress, mixed with a virus, and I’m so sick. I cannot get this under control. I feel overwhelmed with emotion, overwhelmed with frustration, and I don’t know how to get it back in check.
Hoping I can start to drink water, so I can get going on this.
Keep me in your prayers. I need them.
All my love,