New Year New Me? Yeah, Right.

Hi everyone,

I was really hoping that I could be all “hey guess what!  I feel better!  This disease has gone into remission, and I feel like myself again!”  But that’s so far from the truth, it hurts.  I’ve been having such a hard time lately–my body doesn’t want to cooperate.  I’m reacting to more and more each day, with most days not knowing what’s causing my hives.  My doc is not being helpful in the least, but I should be getting more test results in the mail soon.  I’m genuinely nervous that these results aren’t going to show anything.  We all know that this is what I’m battling, but it’s nerve-wracking waiting for these results!  On top of that stress, my shoulder keeps dislocating itself.  I’ve lost count of the number of times it’s popped from the socket.  It’s so painful; each time it pops out means it’s easier for it to pop out next time.  I’m feeling very isolated, even feeling banished to my room because of what my family wants to eat (chili peppers?  Not so good!) not knowing that it’s a trigger.  It’s so frustrating.  I want to see my friends.  I want to go out.  There are a few movies I want to see–and I have to wait until they come out on DVD before I can see them because going to the theater is way too expensive for me to have to leave because someone else decided to wear perfume out.

Life is just…frustrating.  Over Christmas, I decided to play Santa Claus for my best friend and her kids.  They’re struggling, and it felt so good to be able to give them a fantastic Christmas.  It gave me something to fight for.  However, it’s worn me out.  I’m still trying to recoup and it’s not going well.  I’m sleeping 20 hours a day.  I’m frustrated.  Sigh.  And I hurt.  I’d love to sleep at night…but when you’re in pain it’s hard to sleep.

So that’s what’s going on over here.  I got my ring, and it’s GORGEOUS.  I’ll include a picture.  It’s my new mantra….a reminder to never give up–there is an answer out there.  The journey to find it may be long and arduous, but I’ll get there eventually.

As always, all my love,